var n = 104; // number of quotes var quote = new Array(); quote[1] = "'Then just sit back and enjoy it, Ward.' The timer went off in the kitchen. 'Oh! The roast is done. Now you go wash your hands, and come to the table.' She flounced to the kitchen door. 'Don't be late,' she added archly, wagging her finger.

He stared after her.

'Ward...?'

--Yes Dear--"; quote[2] = "'Xander, this thing can make earthquakes happen at will,' Anya pointed out. 'How is your friend going to stop that?'

'He's not. He's just gonna follow CalOSHA regulations. Anything that'll make those guys happy will stand up to pretty much anything our demon can throw at it.'

--November 5th--"; quote[3] = "'As I recall, my last birthday cake came from the bakery.'

'I didn't have time,' Buffy shrugged. 'And anyway, I can't make it up to Alex the way I did to you. I'd be arrested.'

Giles blushed deeply at the memory.

'I-it certainly was an...effective apology, I must say.'

--Buckets Kicked, Candles Blown--"; quote[4] = "'Almost everyone else has moved on. Faith and Robin left for Cleveland today.'

'They did? Why didn't I know that? And what's in Cleveland? Is there really another Hellmouth there?'

'It was a joke.' Giles rolled his eyes. 'Anyone who's kept half an eye on the inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame knows there's something very rotten in the state of Ohio.'

--Cookie Dough--"; quote[5] = "'Please, Giles,' she begged. 'And I don't mean with one of us sleeping down on the couch. It's been so long since anyone held me. I really need it and you're the only one I can trust. Please hold me tonight. Please?'



--Another Gift--"; quote[6] = "'I wonder if that's physically possible,' Anya mused at one point. 'I've never known anyone who could shoot ping-ping balls with that part of their anatomy. Of course, if they could, they probably wouldn't have needed my services in the first place.'

'It's all a matter of muscle control,' Buffy said. 'I bet if I tried, I could learn to do it.'

Giles choked slightly and took yet another shooter.

--Watcher/Slayer Bonding--"; quote[7] = "'That's a good one, grandpa,' he said as soon as he could manage it. 'And hey, he's got a heartbeat, which is more than I can say for some guys she's dated. Face it, Peroxide Boy, you're the ex. In fact, after what you tried to do to her, count yourself lucky that you lived long enough for me to call you that. If you ask me, Buffy's taste in men has improved a whole lot.'

--Full of Love--"; quote[8] = "'He should be here,' she said. 'He should be with the people who care about him and want him around. Dammit, he should be with his Slayer. It's his job to be with me. And you guys need him, too. Plus, let's face it, Dawn could really use at least one stable adult in her life and none of us can be that for her. Screw Casablanca! This leaving for someone's own good thing is a total cop out.'

--Older Men, Far Away--"; quote[9] = "'Let me see...Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl and her wise, handsome, tweedy - yet wildly sexy - advisor. She never ever listened to a single word he said, and was, therefore, always getting herself into trouble.'

He yelped as she poked him in the ribs.

'Stop that. You're telling it wrong.'

--Tell Me A Story--"; quote[10] = "'So not Mom, and not Glory, but you're sitting in the rain looking like somebody spilled Kool Aid on your first edition of Beowolf. What gives?'

--Come Rain or Come Shine--"; quote[11] = "'What don't you get?'

'Why it is that we're dateless in Sunnydale. I mean, we're nice people. We're of the good and we floss regularly. Our hats are white and everything.'

--Boy Wanted :: Single White Slayer--"; quote[12] = "'Music Lover: SWF, 20, seeks attractive, cultured man, any age, for friendship, concert-going, poss. romance. Mozart to Four Star Mary, Beethoven to Bowie. Let's make beautiful music together.'

--Nice Work if You Can Get It :: Single White Slayer--"; quote[13] = "'Oh, and Willow, here's the ad I wrote for you.' Anya presented the paper with a proud smile.

'Lesbian witch seeks same for sex, help keeping spells from backfiring'. My spells do not backfire, all that often. And there's more than just sex with us, I can tell you!'

--Things Are Looking Up :: Single White Slayer--"; quote[14] = "'Okay, let's see what the G-man wrote: 'SWF, old as time, young as spring seeks SWM for love, support, explanations of social niceties. In return, I offer eternal devotion, orgasms.' I can't believe he wrote that!'

'Well, is it better than mine?'

'No, honey. He just took a lot more words to say what you did.'

--To Watch Over Me :: Single White Slayer--"; quote[15] = "'You said earlier that you would give up being my social secretary when I was getting, how did you put it?, ah yes, big time smoochies with some cute young thing. Well, Xander, you're out of a job.'

--Embraceable You :: Single White Slayer--"; quote[16] = "The water was too hot. It stung Buffy's raw wounds as it pelted down on her.

It could never be hot enough. She still couldn't get warm; couldn't get clean.

Despite the pain, despite the anguish, Buffy remained stony eyed. The residual anger had receded, leaving her empty of emotion.

Until the next time she gave in to the hate.

--Healing--"; quote[17] = "'I found myself singing my guts out to you while you ignored me. That was bad enough, but I was used to it. What I couldn't bear was that as I threw those knives, I truly wanted one to hit you. I wanted you to feel something, even if it was pain. Even if I inflicted it. If I had stayed, I would have hurt you. I might even have killed you. You would have gone back to your precious Heaven, while I would have sacrificed all hope of redemption; of eternal rest and peace. I would have exchanged that for eternal damnation and torment. For you, Buffy. All for you.'

--A Word With You All--"; quote[18] = "She wrenched the door open to find an astonishing sight.

Giles was dancing to the Melissa Etheridge song I'm The Only One in the middle of the room. He was barefooted, his shirt was half open, and he was singing along to the tune, bumping and grinding his hips in time with the music.

--I'm the Only One :: Torch Song Trilogy--"; quote[19] = "'I find that hard to believe. With the microscopic skirts you used to wear, all this is going to do is dot a few i's and cross a few t's.'

'Well if you don't want me to...'

'Oh no, pray proceed. You know how I love to cross-reference.'

--Resist :: Torch Song Trilogy--"; quote[20] = "'Will it always be like that, Rupert?'

He chuckled as her gathered his lover to his chest.

'I doubt that it will always be exactly like that. We might eventually want to try other positions.'

--Yes I Am :: Torch Song Trilogy--"; quote[21] = "'I have a better idea,' Anya said. 'Let's ask Giles to do it. It would be an honor for him.'

'Okay, An, we've already honored him with giving the bride away, hosting the reception, and giving you a bridal shower. Any more honors and the man's gonna go broke.'

--Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails--"; quote[22] = "'I knew that,' Buffy sighed. 'I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it. Okay, so I can't blame it all on my evil twin Skippy anymore. You said it, Tara said it, and Spike said it. The big difference is Spike told me I *was* my evil twin Skippy. Now the vote is two to one. And I think I'd rather listen to you and Tara.'

--Castaways--"; quote[23] = "This year he actually had picked out a tree and brought it home. It sat forlorn and untrimmed in its stand in a corner of the sitting room. He looked at it. It seemed to regard him with contempt.

'It's another four days to Christmas,' he reminded it. 'Plenty of time.'

--Home for the Holidays--"; quote[24] = "Buffy shed her clothing and carefully settled herself between his legs. A frown marred her forehead and she reached down to retrieve the duck she'd just sat on.

'Okay, you know there's lots of stuff I'll do, but that's just a little kinky for me.'

--Awfully Fond of You--"; quote[25] = "'But she does too. Watches you, I mean, and she's not anybody's Watcher, that I know of.'



Nonsense.' Giles snorted. Why would Buffy watch him?

'It's been going on for too long, Big G.'

'Et tu, Xander?'

--Beach Party--"; quote[26] = "'You're the only person I know who would phrase things like that. Unless Wesley had suddenly come back to Sunnyhell to confess his burning passion for me, which is so of the unlikely that I didn't even think of it until just now. Yuck.'

'It is a fairly disturbing thought, isn't it?'

--Chocolate Center--"; quote[27] = "'I'm so thankful for Tara. She's wonderful. And I'm thankful her poophead father didn't drag her off to who knows where and make her cook and clean for him for the rest of her life. I'm thankful that I took a chance and followed my heart. It was scary, but it's been the best thing I've ever done. And I'm really, really thankful that my friends all accept our relationship. Accept Tara.'

--Giving Thanks--"; quote[28] = "'Riley? He is so of the past. We broke up about a week after we took out Adam. Once we were out of danger, we had nothing left to talk about. Not to mention he's not so happy that I ruined his career. Anyway, we never really got past the whole sleeping with Faith thing. The whole deal was too Jerry Springer for words.'

--Knock--"; quote[29] = "'Nothing very much. Oh, except that they can affect weather patterns. You might want to dress...er...in such a way that you're prepared for anything.'

'All right...so if I put on a bikini under a parka I should be okay?'

Giles's eyes glazed over momentarily. He shook his head.

--Happy Birthday, Dear Slayer--"; quote[30] = "Three years since he had followed the trail of crimson petals up the staircase to his loft, only to be met by the glassy stare of the woman he loved. Three years since he had crumpled to the floor, as the wine slipped unheeded from his nerveless fingers.

--One More Time--"; quote[31] = "'Just it's a movie where people dress up and throw things at the screen,' Buffy explained patiently for the fifteenth time. Honestly, Riley had done nothing but complain the entire time. When she asked Giles to come along to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, all he'd done was ask which night, and would they like him to dress up. Much more cooperative. He'd even seemed to enjoy the idea.

--Rose Tint My World--"; quote[32] = "'No, Xander. I've already been forced to kiss you three times. Not to mention the fact that I've also ended up kissing four total strangers, Tara and Spike. And somebody needs to tell that vamp that mistletoe kisses do not include tongue!'

'Why didn't you tell him that?'

'Because he had his down my throat at the time. There is not enough mouthwash in the world, Xand.'

--Under the Mistletoe--"; quote[33] = "Buffy couldn't believe this was the same Giles who had always been the one thing she felt she couldn't do without. One minute, he would only talk about work, as if he didn't give a damn about her. The next he was telling her how to run her life. What gave him the right? And what if Spike decided to show up? If he did, she was completely screwed.

Which meant that he probably would.

--A Mile in His Moccassins--"; quote[34] = "One tiny sprinkle on something edible would make the subject desperate to have sex with their true love. Tara hadn't been in the mood for more than a week and Willow was going lust-crazy without smoochies. She was meeting the gang later at the ice cream parlor and planned to sprinkle the powder on her lover's sundae. It would take a couple hours to take effect, so that was safe enough as long as nobody suggested a trip to The Bronze after.

--Banana Love--"; quote[35] = "'This isn't just a road trip. It's a mission. A mission from...God, in fact. It would appear that the Holy Grail has gone missing and He has asked...well...ordered that we find and return it to Him.'

--In the Beginning :: Mission from God--"; quote[36] = "'Buffy, love, you'll never be the size of a house. Perhaps a small garden shed, but never a house. And I would love you even then.'

'Wait a few months and see.'

--The Anniversary Gift--"; quote[37] = "'Yeah. You and me both. And I figured out I did things all backwards.'

'Backwards?'

'Yeah. I drove you off and had sex with Spike. If I'd done it the other way around, maybe I'd have gotten straightened out faster.'

'I - I beg your pardon?'

--Oh Dear Lord!--"; quote[38] = "'Please tell me she didn't find any signs of demonic activity here in Las Vegas.'

'It's just Vegas, sweetie, and no. Unless you count the continued popularity of Elvis impersonators and the Liberace Museum.'

--A Dream Come True--"; quote[39] = "Yeah, I had it all figured out. I'd go to Los Angeles, home of men who've abandoned Buffy and take just one more look at him. Stupid, huh? Then again, when did I ever do anything intelligent where Angel is concerned?

Don't tell me. Really, I know the answer.

--Running With Scissors--"; quote[40] = "'Flashing lights and flower children,' the freaky girl said as she twirled dizzily. 'All out in the rain.'

'She okay?' Stanley asked. 'Did she get a bad batch?'

'Nah, she's always like this. Drusilla, pet,' he said a bit sharply, 'stop twirling. You're worrying the ponces.'

--Baby, I Can Drive Your Car--"; quote[41] = "'Oh please! Come out of the closet and into the light. These days Oscar Wilde could move in with Bosie and nobody would give a damn.'

'I'm not gay.'

'Bi, then. So you like girls, too, but I've seen you checking out butts when you think no one's looking. Tell me the truth; have you ever checked out mine? You can tell me.'

'It looks very firm,' Wesley replied, his eyes meeting those of his companion for the first time that night.

--Safe Haven--"; quote[42] = "All her life there had been good guys and bad guys, in neat bundles of character traits. Cops were good guys. They locked up the bad guys so other good guys would be safe to go to work and come home and raise families. That's what she'd learned at her father's knee, and it was pretty much the only lesson he'd ever bothered to teach her so she clung to it as a lifeline.

The line was ready to snap.

--Long Distance Comfort--"; quote[43] = "For all the troubles and miseries of the past few months, Buffy had to admit that at least one good thing had come out of the trials; she and Giles were back on track. Their friendship had weathered all storms and become stronger than ever.

He'd become her lifeline again, and found his direction, too, it seemed.

--An Innocent Picnic--"; quote[44] = "There was even something for me. Mr. Pointy, and Mr. Gordo.

Willow had to enlighten me as to what the latter might be. It was fitting. The weapon of two Slayers and a stuffed pig. Really, it's more than a worn plush toy. It's the symbol of the childhood innocence and dreams so cruelly stolen from both of us.

--May I Exchange this Gift?--"; quote[45] = "'Have you ever played miniature golf before?'

'No, but I'd love to try it.'

'Okay then, pick me up at eleven tomorrow and we'll play around. Play A Round.'

--Mr and Ms Lonelyhearts--"; quote[46] = "'You selfish little bitch!' He spat at the corpse as he threw it to the ground. 'Do you know what she did? Do you? Sent me a fucking note to say she thought she might have 'feelings' for me! Wanted me to love her back of all things!'

'So you decided to kill her?'

--No Regrets--"; quote[47] = "'So we're going to a bathhouse in the Castro to find and destroy a donut?'

Kate still couldn't quite grasp the concept.

'Is it a jelly?' Buffy called from her corner.

--Big Bad by the Bay--"; quote[48] = "She practically leapt to her feet and held out her hand to help Giles up. Misjudging her strength, she pulled too hard and they landed in the snow with Giles on top of her. What she saw in his green eyes took her breath away. They lay in the snow, stunned, for a moment, then Giles scrambled off Buffy as quickly as he could. He helped her to her feet and walked to the cabin, his cheeks crimson from more than the cold.

--Of Snowballs and Firelight--"; quote[49] = "'And it's not the Apocalypse. Not exactly. We're the only ones who will be affected, well, and maybe a few others, but this group right here has all the biggies.'

'Xander is big. But how did you know that? He's never disrobed...'

'An, honey, please don't say any more.'

Red eyes flitted up and down Xander's form.

'Keeping secrets, are we? Interesting.'

--Bingo Night in the Buffyverse--"; quote[50] = "'Well, I suppose it might have been worse. I'm reliably informed that if I'd been born a girl my name was to have been Hermione.'

'Hermione? Really?'

'After my Great Uncle Rupert's wife.'

'So should we go check out the gift action, Hermione?'

--Birthday Wishes--"; quote[51] = "Anya stands behind the counter fondling stacks of money. Willow and Tara stand beside a display, discussing the magic items inside. Giles and Xander lounge at the tarot table eating donuts and reading comic books. Dawn stands to one side holding a flashing neon sign reading: 'look at me, dammit!' over her head. Nobody does.

--Once More, With Giles!--"; quote[52] = "'The thing I wanted most this Christmas was to see my brother smile. He was so sad when he came back. So lost and hurt and I knew there wasn't a thing I could do about it.'

'Why not?'

'Because he'd left his heart behind him. Do you have any idea what that's like, Buffy?'

--Christmas Resolutions--"; quote[53] = "'See, that's the problem.' Buffy stopped a moment to collect her thoughts. 'Ever since Riley left....it's not so much that I miss him, really, though I know I should, 'cause after all, he was my boyfriend for almost a year and everything, but I really don't except for...well...one part of him. And it wasn't even all that big a part, if you get my drift.'

'Um...Buffy, is this the place where Anya would say something really embarrassing but pretty accurate?'

--Options--"; quote[54] = "'Well Spike said you must have cheated. He was really mad at you. And I got between the two of you so you wouldn't fight, but both of you tried to pull me to yourselves. I felt like I was being ripped in half. And then...'

'And then?'

'You let go.'

--Perchance to Dream--"; quote[55] = "'Yeah, but he's learned to deflect the power of the Buffy pout. Never thought I'd see the day.'

'What do you mean? I don't pout. Much. And Giles never gave in when I did.'

--Playing Doctor--"; quote[56] = "'How'd you tie that on without cutting off the circulation to your todger?'

'It's on an elastic band. It expands to fit, but it's getting a bit uncomfortable, so I'd be obliged if you would unwrap me now.'

Spike chuckled and bent to kiss Giles.

'You're a right strange one, you are.'

--Dance of the Veil--"; quote[57] = "'How? How do you control a big, burning fated love?'

'Look, I'm as scared as you, Buffy, but I need to try. I can't really say it in normal words, so I'm going to do a little something I worked up to explain. It's a medley of show tunes...'

--Puppy Love--"; quote[58] = "At any other time, the sight before him would have made him furious, but Giles had had just enough to drink that the most appalling sights struck him as giggle-worthy.

There was Spike, the big bad himself, dancing about the flat, waving a bottle of whiskey and singing disco.

--Disco Drunk--"; quote[59] = "'Oh, of course, I forgot how pure and virginal Dru is. I wonder why that is? Oh, wait! I do know.' Angelus pulled a piece of silk out of his duster. 'Look what I've got in my pocket,' he sang as he dangled the frilly panties in Spike's face.

'Could we kindly stop with the display of vampire knickers?' Giles begged as he cleaned his spotless glasses.

--Doing the Time Warp-"; quote[60] = "'Yeah, yeah, that's what you always say. And then the next time I got a girl in here, she finds herself sitting in a pile of some vamp and she thinks I smoke and never learned to use an ashtray. No way. You can walk, man.'

'It's five miles back to the office!'

'Good exercise, Wes. Better than that Buns of Steel tape I caught you with.'

--Running--"; quote[61] = "'You knew what would happen. So did I. And yet I let you talk me into going to another horror film. Why was I so stupid?'

'Maybe 'cause you knew you'd get lucky?'

--Scary Movie--"; quote[62] = "'Don't be ridiculous, Xander. They're perfectly functional. Anyway, they were a gift from Buffy.'

'You bought Giles a swimsuit?'

Buffy shrugged. 'I saw them, I thought of him. He's the greatest Brit we know, and I'll salute flag that any day.'

--Dressing Giles--"; quote[63] = "Giles pushed off the wall and held out his hand to Buffy. She stared at the hand. This was something new. There had always been touches - it was impossible to avoid them when training in hand-to-hand combat techniques - and even the occasional hug, but this...

At last, Buffy reached out and took his hand.

--Fighting Despair--"; quote[64] = "'What were you trying to watch, anyway, Giles?'

'It was, well, a program about vampires and vampire hunters, if you must know.'

Buffy fixed him with a stare.

'You don't get enough vampires in your life already?'

'The dialogue is very good,' he muttered in embarrassment.

--Sports are Evil--"; quote[65] = "'What on earth happened to you?'

'Wow. That's some morning after sweet talk you got going there. What happened to last night when you said I was the most beautiful thing you'd ever laid eyes on?'

--Sticky Situations"; quote[66] = "'She'll hurt you, your precious Slayer.'

'She already has, as I have hurt her. It doesn't change anything.'

Then he was gone.

--My Own Sweet Bed Tonight :: A Subtle Change of Key--"; quote[67] = "Just listening to him speak was so pleasant. So comfortable. She loved his accent and the slightly breathy quality to his voice. And his laugh. In all the time they'd known one another, she'd rarely heard him laugh. Sometimes he'd let a small, self-deprecating chuckle escape, she'd even heard him giggle drunkenly, but this was the first time she'd heard him let loose with a full-throated laugh. It was a wonderful sound and she wanted to hear it again.

--Breathing Hope :: A Subtle Change of Key--"; quote[68] = "'O-kay. She's wonderful. Which is an assessment I'm sure we can all agree with. So why the spaceman - aaahhh! You're in love with her!'

'Don't be ridiculous, Xander.'

'No, I know the signs. Been there, screwed that up.' He looked at his glaring girlfriend. 'Got over it a loong time ago and moved on to greener pastures called Anya.'

--It's Mine :: A Subtle Change of Key--"; quote[69] = "The next day, Buffy was training in the back room at the Magic Box. It was a pleasant release to pummel the dummy Xander had built for her. In her frustration, she was imagining green eyes and glasses on the blank face. But only for a split second. She might be upset, but homicidal was a point she hadn't reached.

--I Love You :: A Subtle Change of Key--"; quote[70] = "A portal ripped through the fabric of reality. Strange beings caught in its energy were flung into a space they had no business inhabiting. A tall man watched the chaos with a frown.

'Now that shouldn't be at all,' he fussed.

--Gift of a Future--"; quote[71] = "'Good lord, Buffy, are you saying you deliberately tried to dream about me...you can't mean...? Buffy, was this an....erotic dream?'

She shook her head.

'It was a whole bunch of...erotic dreams. Almost three weeks worth.'

--Sweet Dreams--"; quote[72] = "'I'm being realistic for once in my life. My whole family is made up of lushes and losers, and loser lushes. They drink too much, they have no self control, they're mean and they're cruel to each other. They treat everyone in their paths like dirt. That's what I come from. That's who I'm gonna be, too. That guy may have told me lies about the exact stuff that's gonna happen, but he showed me what I am. What I would do to Anya if I married her. I don't ever want to treat her the way my dad treats my mom.'

--Talking to the Wise Man--"; quote[73] = "'Poor Giles.' Buffy couldn't contain her giggles anymore. 'I can't believe they followed you out into the desert to tackle you!'

'Believe it. I shall be bruised in the morning.'

'Need me to kiss your boo boos?'

--Tea and Sympathy--"; quote[74] = "The proprietor informed her that they had sold out and had no plans to reorder. It seemed that in the past week, garlic-stuffed green olives had gone out of fashion, and no one who was anyone served them anymore. He doubted that she would be able to find such a déclassé item in LA.

'Perhaps you might find them in a less sophisticated metropolis.'

--Happy Birthday to Me, Dammit--"; quote[75] = "Buffy had gotten used to the misinterpretations, the tasteless jokes, the crude drawings stuffed in her locker. She'd even seen some commiserating looks from a few girls when it became obvious that Giles was seeing Miss Calendar off campus as well as on.

--Homecoming--"; quote[76] = "'I couldn't ask you...'

'You didn't. I want to do this. To welcome you to the family.'

'You buy fancy lingerie for everyone who stays for Christmas?'

'No. Only for the ones who make Rupert smile. In other words, this is just for you.'



--Unwrapping--"; quote[77] = "'Perhaps if you're a bit more cooperative, I'll move you next time.'

As the Watcher left the room, Spike muttered to himself.

'With a show like that to look forward to, not bloody likely, mate!'

--I'm Gonna Wash That Vamp Right Outta My Hair--"; quote[78] = "'Shut up in there! I can hear you boinking! I'm telling Mom!'

Buffy gazed into her lovers' eyes and told him: 'Those monks so owe me.'

--A Very Scooby Christmas--"; quote[79] = "'Thank you so much, Willow. You realize this machine hates me, don't you?'

'It doesn't hate you, Giles. You just have to show it who's boss once in a while. Like training an animal.'

'I shall get out my whip at once, then.'

--Internet Inspiration--"; quote[80] = "'Oh come on. You guys always forgive each other. It's one of the great truths of our time: the Earth rotates around the Sun, Sylvester Stallone should never attempt to do comedy, and you and Buffy are the Slaytwins. What could you possibly say that would mess with that reality?'

--Intimate Intervention--"; quote[81] = "'Okay, Toto, I want to go back to Kansas now. Either that, or please shoot me.'

'Or you could take me home for sex,' Anya told him.

'Yeah, Or that would work.'

--Looking For Mr Knightley--"; quote[82] = "'Do I want to know what was going on with Giles when I went by his room?' Willow squeaked.

Tara climbed onto the bed and held Willow gently.

'He went into labor,' she said.

'But he wasn't even pregnant, really,' Willow protested.

--Winter of Discontent--"; quote[83] = "'Mr. Tyler decided that my third period would be more profitably spent in the Prinicpal's office than his classroom just because I had to behead a demon that wanted to eat him up. I guess saving teacher's lives makes me a bad element.'

--Eeeeeeeiiiwww!! "; quote[84] = "'The name's Wench; Gileswench.'

Buffy glared at Giles.

'You have a wench? Since when do you have a wench? I'm not going to find her running around in your shirt, am I?'

Gileswench smiled.

'Only in my dreams. Here, in your reality, he's all yours.'

--Tabula Rasa, Baby--"; quote[85] = "'Now, now, no need to get testy. You're exactly how Ripper described you.'

'And who the hell is this 'Ripper' when he's at home?'

'Oh, I am sorry. I thought you'd know. You probably know him better as Giles. That's what he likes to be called now, isn't it? Bloody Public School affectation, having the whole world call you by your surname.'

'Always did think he was a poncey bugger.'

--I Enjoy Being a Girl--"; quote[86] = "Plus working day and night and going on endless unsuccessful auditions left little time for scratching her particular itch. The frustration was really getting to her. She'd even found herself fantasizing about making out with Xander in 'their' utility closet.

How lame can a girl get?

--No Harm, No Foul--"; quote[87] = "Anyway, Faith was dead. Still is, so far as I know, and nobody much cared. Maybe The Great Poofini, but then, he's a great, wanking nancy-boy, when all's said and done. Probably upset him so much he had to go spend a fortune on hair gel and suchlike. Doesn't really matter what he thinks, now, does it?

--More than One Way to Skin a Slayer--"; quote[88] = "As soon as she was out of sight, Wesley wheeled himself over to the desk. He picked up the photograph and looked a Virginia's face. After a moment, he turned it over and carefully removed the backing. He indulged himself in a good, long look at the photograph of Buffy that backed the one visible to the rest of the world. He would do all he could for her.

He wouldn't let her down.

--Secrets--"; quote[89] = "'But I was bored with women long ago. It's always the same with them: fondle them, penetrate them, finish with them, and then listen to them whine eternally about whether or not you love them and appreciate them.'

--Fuck for Fuck's Sake--"; quote[90] = "'Does it strike anyone else as funny that there's no cemeteries at all on the Hellmouth?' Willow asked nobody in particular.

'Not to mention no place to get really good French cuisine,' Cordelia agreed.

Buffy frowned.

'Do demons like French food?'

--Hell Hole--"; quote[91] = "As I enter the church, I grow more nervous. Apprehensive. If God doesn't want me, what will He do to me in His own house? Will He take this opportunity to smite me? Should He? Is that what I want of Him?

--Good Boy--"; quote[92] = "'Face it, he's unhinged. He needs therapy. He needs Freud and Jung and B.F. Skinner and Dr. Joyce Brothers all at once. Too bad they don't make housecalls. And that most of them are dead.'

'You left out Dr. Laura.' The Englishman's tone was bitingly sarcastic.

--High Stakes--"; quote[93] = "At Jonathan's sharp tone, Warren decided he'd better put his toy down, after all. Levinson might be short and almost as dumb as he looked in some ways, but he knew some serious magicks. It wasn't time yet to ditch him.

That would come later.

--Illogical, Mr Spock-"; quote[94] = "'Okay, junior. Whatever. You knew Buffy was the Slayer. Slayers die really, really young. This isn't even the first time she's died. Maybe she'll just pop right back up again...'

--Pretend it Never Happened--"; quote[95] = "'I don't want death. I want life, laughs, drinks, and sex. I want what I can have of her. The bit you had that I never bloody did.'

'Then take it,' Angel whispered against Spike's lips.

--Vamplust in the Dust--"; quote[96] = "'It says quite clearly here that you want to be like you were so the Slayer can have what she deserves. Anyone who has willingly sacrificed her life to save the world twice deserves a nice guy to cuddle up with on a Saturday night, at the very least. That's going to be you, William.'

Spike screamed.

--Worthy--"; quote[97] = "'Oh? And precisely how do you intend to punish me?' he managed,though he was beginning to have difficulty concentrating.

'By making you take me to Lakewood Cottage and have hot, naked,monkey sex for three fun-filled nights.'

--B&B Weekend :: The Hellmouth Chronicles--"; quote[98] = "'You look sort of tired this morning. I guess that means Buffy gave you lots of orgasms last night.'

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. 'Yes, Anya, we've discussed this before. One really doesn't ask such questions, especially in a public setting.'

'But it wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact.'

--Love, Hellmouth Style :: The Hellmouth Chronicles--"; quote[99] = "'I really thought you were different. You think I'm dumb so you can tell me anything. What's the truth? Is Buffy a double agent for the CIA and she's blown her cover? You can tell me. I won't believe you if you say that either, but at least it's something that exists. I know there's a CIA.'

--Slayer Central :: The Hellmouth Chronicles--"; quote[100] = "'I know a great deal more than, er...squat, Buffy. The details of this mission, however, have not been made clear to us. I don't know how you expect me to know the answers God has chosen not to reveal to us. He...'

'Works in mysterious ways, I know, I know. Is that gonna be your stock answer for this whole trip?'

--Visions and vampires :: Mission From God--"; quote[101] = "'You're kidding. Jesus ate with His hands? Suddenly, I'm beginning to understand His fashion sense, too.'

The others shook their heads as they went to catch up with the girl.

--Frogs & Fisticuffs :: Mission From God--"; quote[102] = "'Are you quite insane?' Wesley demanded. 'If we split up, we're four easy targets. If we stay together we're...arguing like insane persons. You know, I think Anya may be onto something.'

--Beacons & Brothels :: Mission From God--"; quote[103] = "'Omigod! Vampire chickens! Spike, get Dawn out of here!'

The Slayer drew her stake and Giles unsheathed his sword as the vicious chickens swooped down upon them.

--Fruit and Fowl :: Mission From God--"; quote[104] = "'But we could have just done a locator spell, and we wouldn't have had to go through all this hassle. 'Cause I gotta say, that whole Muppet thing is probably gonna give me nightmares for a while. Who woulda guessed that Kermit the Frog is not only real, but gay, too?'

--The Epilogue :: Mission From God--";